I never realized how much time I would spend "not thinking" when I would plug into the tv and let the opinions and ideas come right in from others. You never really think about it that way. I was convinced that I didn't have enough time for my dreams and that I wasn't "special" enough to venture away from what people expected of me, in order to to follow my heart.
Eventually I did. I had to disconnect my cable because I needed to sacrifice for my time and oddly enough I found myself not only more productive, but not affected by what is going on in everyone else's lives from these shows. Who cares if this reality tv woman is getting a divorce or is this guy is seeing two women? What on earth would I have to gain from watching this, other than insecurities about my own relationships? I'll admit, after watching a few episodes of "Cheaters" I would lose trust. After watching a few episodes of "America's Next Top Model" I would compare myself and find things about me that weren't satisfactory.
TV gave me this false hyper-reality about how people are living their life, driven by consumerism, like if having more of what "they" have will make my life more glamorous and "tv worthy". So, comparing myself to these women on tv and trying to piece together my identity was a bit toxic. Trying to be someone else will never feel right because you can only ever be yourself.
Once I had a thought of my value not being "enough" I would become consumed in that thought for hours, even days. And to get my mind off of it I would watch tv, probably a show with women who had seemingly perfect everything, and without realizing I would think myself into even more insecurities.
After nearly 2 years of no cable and reading/listening to empowering information, I've gotten so much stronger in my thinking. Now days, I will remind myself how amazing I am. I take inventory of all of my attributes and I focus on those.
Before, I would compare everything about me to someone else, i.e. Jennifer Lopez: people talk so much about her back-side. It's like an epidemic, now my peers are going under the knife to have their butts shaped. It's discouraging to compare to. Same goes for all surgical procedures women are doing to look like someone else. Now, it's not those women who were my enemies, ever. It was always my very own thoughts! If I saw one who looked amazing, I would compare myself. What I learned is that comparison is never an accurate account for value. You can't look at any one individual and expect to match their experiences.
I am ME. These are MY feet, these are MY legs, these are MY shoulders, this is MY face. I am beautiful simply because I am ME. And you are perfect because you are YOU. In my thoughts, walking around I see others now and appreciate their style, their choices, their beings. Then I appreciate even more my being me, and I love me for it.
I just wanted to share my thoughts with someone, since I spend all day sharing them with myself. lol ;-)
Love yourself, you are stunning!
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